Armitage Shanks
  Obama fo prez!


Ahoy you filthy apes!

Hope life is sweet and all is hot. Just a quick instant message for a great show that has been on my mind of late...Carnivale. This show is mega awesome, like MEGA AWESOME SWEET KICKASS!!!

Anyway, it was cancelled 2 years ago cause HBO sucks ass. The story's as follows:

One of the greatest shows ever, won 5 emmys and countless other awards as well as tons of nominations (not that it matters). It was launched in September 2003, produced by and aired on HBO.

Ran for only 2 seasons whereas it was meant to run for a full 6.
Season 1, Sept - Nov 2003. Season 2, Jan - March 2005. Real. Cinematic. Bliss.

Extremely expensive to produce, and till date, rumoured to be the most expensive show in HBO/television history. HBO decided the average ratings at the time (God knows why) did not match the budget so they decided to give it a boot.

As a result, huge plotlines were left hanging, biggest loose end at the end of Season 2 left everyone holding their knobs in anger. Enter pissed off fans who want the show back and beat all HBO execs with their angry knobs. Many petitions have been signed, fans have called and abused HBO to bring it back and a true testement to the show, when both Season 1 and 2 were released on DVD, they flew off the shelves at record numbers due to its retarded popularity and cult like following.

I ask you, my one and a half readers, to watch this show and absorb its awesomeness, and once you've done this, visit the site below and click the "top ten things YOU can do right now and more" and get involved. Additionally, you can stick the following banner on your site and spread the word.

You can click on the link below to find out more:

Or visit wikipedia for more info on the show.

Carnivale may be one of the greatest expressions of art of our time and a story that needs to be told.

Let's bring it back and give it the ending it deserves. I'll leave you with the chilling intro to the first episode, read by Samson, head of the carnival:

"Before the beginning, after the great war between heaven and hell, God created the Earth and gave dominion over it to the crafty ape he called man...and to each generation was born a creature of light and a creature of darkness...and great armies clashed by night in the ancient war between good and evil. There was magic then. Nobility. And unimaginable cruelty. And so it was until the day that a false sun exploded over Trinity, and man forever traded away wonder for reason."



ps; I'll be back...


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I have been away for awhile. I know I need a beating. It seems I have somewhat of a regular fanbase. Well not really, but I do appreciate them check-ins (especially from hotties - you know who you are zexy!)
Also, married people can never be kool. Even if the koolest dude in the world, (Ryu Hayabusa, the exalted ninja leader of the dragon lineage) got married, he wouldn't be kool anymore. And his vow to his nanja clan was to be kool at all times, even when on the toilet or picking his nose.
Well, without getting into too much detail, I have a new ladyfriend who has monopolized my time. Work is a bitch, like a real ugly bitch with bad skin that smells like a raw egg in a dog's ass. My family has gone nuts. My friends are gay. However, throughout it all, I have managed to become more awesome. It's like when the Hulk keeps getting his ass kicked, and he gets so angry that he gets way more powerful and fully pounds on like 37 bad guys until they're blue in the dick.
My slut management idea tanked. I was really into it, I even started a website, like a proper one without, like a proper domain and everything. But no one was interested. I don't get it. It was a stellar idea. I should've put more pics of my giblets, that always helps in every way.
The main reason for this post is Borat. He is now the ultimate dude. Like an ultimate warrior against everything that is normal in western society. He should hold Borat camps in the woods and teach little boys his philosophy. I would totally sport the sexiest moustache and join the camp and eat Azamat's asshole. Below some finger licking quotes. I'm gonna use the third one as my ringtone. Mind you, you have to read all these out loud in a Russian accent while scratching your downstairs department (this goes double for the ladies.
Eeez niiiiice!

Borat: This is Natalya. [He kisses her passionately] She is my sister. She is number-four prostitute in whole of Kazakhstan. [She holds up a trophy and smiles] Niiice!

Azamat: Eat my asshole!

Borat: [To Azamat] My moustache still tastes of your testes.

Borat: [singing the Kazakhi national anthem to the tune of the American national anthem] Kazakstan, greatest country in the world/all other countries are run by little girls/Kazakhstan is number-one exporter of potassium/Other Central Asian countries have inferior potassium/Kazakhstan, greatest country in the world/all other countries is run by the gays...

Borat: Although Kazakhstan a glorious country, it have a problem, too: economic, social, and Jew.

Borat: You telling me the man who try to put a rubber fist in my anus was a homosexual?

Borat: Her vagine hang like sleeve of wizard's robe.

Kazkhstan is great. Really great. I wan't to be a Kazakh and rape animals profesionally and on a commission basis. Well maybe not, but it'd be a kool contest to join and come 3rd in. If only.
So what else is new with everyone else. Is blogging still popular? I haven't been to many sites recently and it seems fewer people are coming to mine anf fewer still are updating as frequently as they used to. Or maybe they are and ain't showin the love. The funnniest, ask a Pilipino person to say love. It rules!

ps: I heart Pilipinos...really


  Slut management -

Slut management is basically; the management of sluts. You get a trade license for managing sluts, hire sluts, and manage their slutty attitude. Contrary to popular belief, sluts can be men, women or specific types of farm animals. Chickens, gooses, ducks and horses make good sluts. If you can get your hands on a small to medium sized ferrit, they make great sluts as well. I am not saying this because of comic relief. Farm animals by nature are obedient and therefore, slutty. Rebelious things don't make good sluts.

Slut management is a lucrative business and a great way to start a conversation with hot bitches.

Hot bitch: "Wow, your hot. What do you do for a living? I'm sure you have a sweet job."
Kabooke Quantum Fighter: "I do have a sweet job. How did you know?"
HB: "Well, your obviously hot as hell, your awesome in your Star Wars theme porn movie 'Return of the Japseye,' and you have the biggest wang I have EVER seen."
KQF: "Bitch Please!"
HB: "Seriously. You rock my ovaries."
KQF: "Slick."
{long pause)
HB: "So what do you do?"
KQF: "I manage sluts."
HB: "You manage sluts?!"
KQF: "That's right."
HB: "What does that mean?"
KQF: "Well, I get a slut management trade license, hire sluts and manage their slutty attitude."
HB: "That sounds interesting. Can I join?"
KQF: "Depends. Are you slutty?"
HB: "Like you wouldn't believe. Here...let me show you."

This is when she proceeds to unzip your pants and tounge your balls. Good fun, good coversation and a great dinner table story.

You need to control your overheads and cashflow from the beggining and make sure your sluts are in top form. This usually entails feeding them lots of fibre and protein and cutting back on carbohydrates. I recommend a strict diet of barley, cornflakes and Mexican tapas.

Keep the men, women and animals seperate from each other as they can get rowdy when mixed up. Make sure they smell good and bathe once a week with lemon lime body wash with Ginko extract. When they're out doing their slutty duties, make sure to monitor them with a shock collar and a camera pen. If they try to run or hide, shock them. Some may choose to alos have a shock anal probe to entice their sluts. This is not recommended unless you want flatulent sluts on your hands.
Take them to an art or wax museum every week to give them an appreciation for culture. Do not get them involved with religious groups, political affiliations or local cults as this will make them cranky and pensive.
If you need them to work long hours without complaining, give them coffee beans and tic tacs to chew on. Sluts can be put to work for 20 out of the 24 hrs in a day if treated right and can be exported with only a 5% duty to all commonwealth countries (except the democratic republic of Congo) and Fedex with minimal shipping and handling charges.
I have setup an email address for anyone that wants to partner with me in my next venture

"Worldwide sluts." It's ''

Please let me know of any questions, quries of suggestions you may have on my business.



  The Robot -

What is the koolest dance you wish you could do?

Some might say the Samba roolz. Some are partial to sexy Salsa moves or the foxy Foxtrot. Some to sultry Swing or the poke in the bum Polka. Me. I am in awe of:

An importnant point: The only way to do the robot and look kool is to make the noises too; sounds of motors starting and stopping, hinges creaking and pistons whistling. They go something like this:

'vhiiiiiirrrr, tziiiiiiiit, khe-kho-khu, beep-mbeep!, chika-dum - chika-dum.' And offcourse, if ever you are robotting, you have to keep chanting the following lyrics; like a mantra:

"S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y

Safe, dance!

"We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind
And we can dance {x 4}"

Verse 2 (with dinosaurs) -

Safety dance is the best song. Ever. Go to your closest music shop and get it right now. It's about a boy that danced even though his friends thought he was a spas. It is a song about confidence, losing control and erotic victory.

Here are some special tips for perfecting the robot -

Tip 1: Always keep your fingers together.

Tip 2: Keep everything you do sudden like a jolt or popping. It gives people an idea of a robot movement.

Tip 3: Check out a website about the moonwalk that should help you with your leg and feet movement.

Tip 4: Always keep your arms bent, resembling a spike or spear.

Special personal tip: I made my own style that when you hear turn tables in the beats, you shake one hand to the turn tables, and the other hand does the robot, all while makng the sounds. ROCKING!

Ya, so apart from practicing the robot every free second I have, I have been roaming strange hallways, whistling, sliding and being drunk and disorderly with my homie
S. She thinks she's kool cause her name is a letter. She's rad tho.
She likes to call me 'the manther' cause of my sexy bod. Well who can blame her. She also wanted me to tell everyone shes likes to dance on tables. Oh, and i am going on holiday. My primary objective is to get to Universal Studios, go on the Jaws ride and hopefully reconfigure the mechanism of the shark so he also does the robot. If I accomplish that, my life is complete.
Harro! Please. Come in. You look fab - o -lus! So hot right now. Have a fiddle around. Relieve your troubled self. Just check out the title of the page? Where've you seen that before? Hmmmm? Slouch right into that chair. Scratch what needs scratching. Smell what needs smelling. Enjoy the show!

My Photo
Location: Browntown

I rule all day everyday. I rule 100% 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. However, every four years, during a leap year I take one day off to rule 99%. If you want to challenge my ruling capacities, that is the only day to duel me to rule. Otherwise, I go back to regular ruling. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop ruling. I could rule everything in two words or less. If you'd like to see me in action, I will rule... all over your face.

This how I do

This who I roll wid