Armitage Shanks
  God damn it

Wow, I am so pissed. Driving is fucking ridiculous.
Hey, lets pave some long ass roads where lots of jerk off drivers in tin boxes speed around at 200 kilometers per hour. Humans are so fucking fragile. My friend Ahmed Superman ate some cashews and was sick for ten days. After eating fucking cashews! Holy crap, I hate driving. I am so scared some jundhi loser is going to be late for work one morning, gets on the freeway and drops his de caffinated cheap ass instant coffee on his value village pants. His crotch is going be on fire and he won't want to look like a bigger flamer than he is at work and will start trying to absorb the hot liquid with flicks of his dumbass hand, while obviously taking his eyes of the road. Low and behold I am in front of him, observing the speed limit, listening to At The Gates and looking like a bad ass. Dude doesn't see me obviously, keeps accelerating (because he sucks, like his forefathers sucked) cause he can only concentrate on one menail task at a time, and crash, bang, zoink. My sweet ride is totalled, my sexy ass is not as round and juicy due to loss of blood and the asshole that hit me speeds off because he doesn't have insurance.
Seriously, driving is fucking ridiculous.
  Angelina Jolie is a Goddess

Oh my god Angelina Jolie is so fine. No, she is not fine, she is gorgeous, spectacular, Godly even. And my standards for Godliness are high, cause I mylself am the centre of the universe.
But damn, the woman is genius. Those eyes. Even through a picture she looks like shes going to rip our your heart and suck on it with her gorgeous lips. I just want to eat her up with a spoon.
I wonder what she does when shes not working. I know she adopted a Cambodian kid called Maddox and dresses him up all punk n shit, but she must have a couple of nannies on diaper patrol and buying him the lastest Baby FCUK gear. What does she do on her downtime. I heard somewhere she likes the heavy shit. My nuts started tingling and bowels started rumbling. That makes her even kooler than I thought. Plus shes an ambassador of goodwill with the U.N, and she has a sic pad in the rainforests of Cambodia. No tv, radio, just rhesus monkeys and plenty of pho soup. She is definately kicks ass.
However, I am usually dissapointed when I see her flicks. She looks disgustingly brilliant in all of them but her roles have yet to give the motivation to truly appreciate her acting talents. Apart from Girl, Interrupted and offcourse Hackers (actually, she was kinda lame in that too, all rebel and dark but really a pink bunny on the inside) her movies blow. Maybe Alexander will get a thumbs up. The tomb raiders were too over the top, even for that genre. She pulls out an envelope and jumps off a skyscraper, and suddenly the envelope becomes a full fledged handglider. Barf.
I know if we met she would totally get down with me. I am so rad and she would think that as soon as she saw me and my fresh skills. Dyaam, I can just picture it now, she would come over, I would step out of my house and say 'you look stunning this evening;' put on the slickass British accent, and then impress her with all my kool tricks and skills. She wants me so bad, she just doesnt know it yet.
Harro! Please. Come in. You look fab - o -lus! So hot right now. Have a fiddle around. Relieve your troubled self. Just check out the title of the page? Where've you seen that before? Hmmmm? Slouch right into that chair. Scratch what needs scratching. Smell what needs smelling. Enjoy the show!

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Location: Browntown

I rule all day everyday. I rule 100% 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. However, every four years, during a leap year I take one day off to rule 99%. If you want to challenge my ruling capacities, that is the only day to duel me to rule. Otherwise, I go back to regular ruling. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop ruling. I could rule everything in two words or less. If you'd like to see me in action, I will rule... all over your face.

This how I do

This who I roll wid