Armitage Shanks
  Pass Judgement? Or Gas?

So it's time to pass a little judgement? Or gas? I'm all out of one today. So judgement it is. Or maybe I should gear my body to form a new potent variation of JUDGMENT GAS, a horrific odour that sucker punches you in the groin and calls you fat, useless, ugly or a wanker. Well I guess if your fat, useless or ugly you dont have much to do but wank.
So this blogging thing? Really useful? And I mean Really? REALLY? And when I say 'REALLY?, it's that 'really' when you tilt your head, squint your eyes and say 'really' in that high pitched tone. The one you kind of have to shake your head and say 'Alrite, I really did eat donkey shit at a clown rodeo in Memphis to win a bet with some hilly billies.' No use in hiding it, that 'REALLY' will get you every time.
So the blogging.
Some chunky munky that did 12 situps and weighed in half a kilo less and can't wait to tell her sad but insipring day to day log of her troubled existense. 'Comment: Well done fatty, another 120 to go and your money.' Fat chance.
Some pre-pubesent turd looking to express and impress with his gadgetary knowledge.
'The new NADS22-6X ball massager. It massages your nuts, brews your coffee, has all the Deff Leppard songs on the planet aaaand you get one free ringtone per month!' Only $19.99 from Radioshack!' Shite.
Some chick that lives in London or New York and goes on about how she took an instrospective walk in Hyde or Central park and how 'everyone is so distant and everything in her life is so confusing right now.' Then she sees a pigeon and squirrel fighting over a tic tac and a walnut and how it 'was so cute I had to tell you all about it :) :)!!!!!! Todd, Ashley, Dylan, this ones from you guys tehehehehehehe!!' Beaten with a hammer. Ya, a little bit.
The fucking right wing blogger. These guys need to be locked up in a Guatemalan prison and fed ball cheese for many, many years. They all have an immense blogroll with literally 100's of other shitheads that are part of the 'Neo-conservative tidy whitey glue sniffing alliance confederation of the dickless bloggers of DE YOU, EYESS of AAAYY,' some fucking red and blue elephant and a bumper sticker on the side that says 'proud supporter of Lord Bush, ENRON, the NRA and Martha Stewart.' The articles are all cut and pasted or links to some other blog with similar horseshit to appeal to other neo cons.
The horny wife that only talks about her 'hubby' and hows 'he can be so forgetful and clumsy' but how hes turned her trick turning petrol sniffing life around. 'The other day he really wanted to lay me down and pound me to the ground if you know what I mean *hint hint* but I was like, no way dude, first make me some Uncle Ben's, do the washing and call me pretty then we can get on the case for some rug munching. You need to train your man girls!'
And lastly the people who tell you each and every fucking step of their tedious fucking lives. 'I woke up at 11:32:27, one eyelid opened, then the other, and 250 kilowatts of light entered both eyes, and then my stomach churned, maybe from the 33 sips of root beer I drank last night at 9:36:32, then I felt a rumble in my lower intestine, and then I felt a wet, healing sensation in my burgundy pyjamas. This is when I realised, with blinding obviousness, I shat myself.'
These people also ask rhetorical questions like 'well, what should I do? Can anyone help me? I found some stinky wet panties on our bed and I know for sure Chad is fucking that bitch Mindy from across the hall but how can I be sure?! I'll take it to the lab and get a DNA test then I'll know for sure, right?!' Help me guys?! tehehe.'
And then theres me, sexy, snide and a taaaad cynical, loves to pass judgement and eat doritos. Ok to be fair I can also be poked and prodded into a shoebox and called names, but the point is this personal blogging thing hints signs of weakness on all our parts. That something is more often that not, missing from our real lives.
Think so?
Harro! Please. Come in. You look fab - o -lus! So hot right now. Have a fiddle around. Relieve your troubled self. Just check out the title of the page? Where've you seen that before? Hmmmm? Slouch right into that chair. Scratch what needs scratching. Smell what needs smelling. Enjoy the show!

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Location: Browntown

I rule all day everyday. I rule 100% 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. However, every four years, during a leap year I take one day off to rule 99%. If you want to challenge my ruling capacities, that is the only day to duel me to rule. Otherwise, I go back to regular ruling. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop ruling. I could rule everything in two words or less. If you'd like to see me in action, I will rule... all over your face.

This how I do

This who I roll wid