Armitage Shanks
  Mission: Halo 2. Status: Complete

Holy christmas, this game is explosive. Microsoft and Bungie have done it again. Combat evolved, too right.
My kickass sidekick and I started at midnight and were up till 3am the other night and we finally finished the bastard. It was by far one of the most draining experiences of my life. I dont think it has officially been released in the U.S. or Canada (release date Nov 9th I believe, although in Europe it is on already on sale) yet but I got my grubby little hands on an advanced copy ;).
For those of you who are familiar with the original Halo for the Xbox know that it is a one of a kind first person shooter with a plethora of weapons, baddies and vehicles to use and abuse. It is similar to games like Counterstrike and the Quake/Doom series in many ways except it is alot more interactive and there is a gargantuan plot that involves humans, many forms of aliens and a potential for a galactic holocaust.
Even the basic premise of this game seems far too complex to grasp, what seems obvious is that there are three campaigns; humans, aliens and baddie aliens. To make it clearer, the game is best played in co-operative mode i.e. you and a friend play split screen and; co-operate. Throughout the game, you randomly (it seems) switch between a human and an alien campaign. Now all in all there is no difference between them while playing, they do not move any faster or slower or jump any higher or lower that each other. The only difference is that you have a couple of different weapons with each and can use camouflage with the aliens and a cheapshit flashlight for humans and both features keep klonking out every 15 seconds. Of what can we could gather, the plotline involves a giant planet sized Halo floating around in space that the humans, aliens and baddie aliens are trying to monopolize on so as to control the fate of their particular galaxy (it could be the Milky Way, I'm not sure.) Anyway, the story is somewhat epic, biblical even with high councils, convenants, prophets and huge armies, all to acquire the key to the Halo. Again, the story is so grandiose it is hard to really step back and look at the whole picture, only through cut scenes (which were quite long) can you piece together whats what. And plus the game I have is in French (due to release only in Europe) so we had to read subtitles and translate the non-subtitle bits throughout the game such as; 'vite vite, tout suite!'
The gameplay though I can tell you about. The graphics are as usual, disgusting. Crisp, smooth, use of lights and shadows, the works, and the fluidity of the various enviroments (water, trees, grass) is exceptional. As I said it is a one of a kind fps, lots of guns and vehicles, lots of baddies, low gravity (high jumping), destructible enviroments and amazing, absolutely amazing artificial intelligence.
The programmers must have had countless sleepless nights over the AI because the basic engine for the game is the same, as are the characters, the weapons and the maps are somewhat similar too but the AI is mind boggling. The insane amount of variables you'd have to declare and the ginormous probability trees all lead to a smarter, more annoying alien that can read your patterns and counteract them. For example, you throw a grenade at the smarter ones (the apes in this game are the hardest) and they will throw it back at you. They will also hide when you shoot, attack in random group formations and use cover when sniping your ass. That was one of the most challenging (and rewarding) aspects of this game.
Anyways, my friend and I put in some long long nights and I think we clocked in around 16-18 hours to complete the bitch, mainly because you cannot save a game in the middle of a level, you have to finish it to save, and each level takes roughly between 2 to 4 hours to complete. It was a very draining game and honestly I don't think I've worked that hard at anything, including school, work or relationships. You need to keep your wits about you and not itch the trigger finger cause this shit is hardcore and non-stop. I highly reccomend it for Xbox owners who have atleast one friend that is sharp and ready to grenade, shoot and blow through this game like a raging flaming bulldozer. It requires alot of patience, a lot more skill and tons more teamwork than any other game before it.
  Attention whores-

I hate attention whores. They will suck up attention like a toothless crack ho chows down on a dirty jundhis prong. They usually have one friend, back in the old country and annoy other kool ass studs by calling them couple times a day and making bullshit small talk. A typical turd will call and say:
the other guy (assume its me, because I rule, hard) 'damnit bitch whaddya want?'
'nada guy, what're you sayin, what're you wearing, who're you with, what did you eat for breakfast, when was the last time you left a chocolate log in the crapper?'
'uhh im saying i'm busy and you suck balls.'
'oh lol, your so funny and hot, but dude where are you?'
'i'm at band practice with a couple of groupies that want me so bad.'
Now the dude feels left out and reflects on the fact that he has no life and he is kool meter is below zero.
'Reaaaaaally, hows that going? Which chicks man, do I know them?'
'Hell no bitch. Ok i gotta go, suck an egg.'
Completely ignoring what a lord he is he carries on with his inane questions 'so what else is new?'
'Get fucked.'
That is usually how to deal with attention whores. These people also make it very apparent when they get a call on their mobile. You might be out with them one night out of pity and they will get a call from their mom to pick up some tooth picks and they will increase their voice by a couple of decibels, stand atop a table and make it known that they are high ranking dorks.
'Heey, whats up? No nothing, just chilling with some good buddies. Ya ok, I will get on that. Ok me too, give me a ring later ok. EeeZee. Peace out. Live long and prosper, (add bullshit goodbye synonym)'
And thats their mom. What a turd. These are the times I want to grease the strong pimp hand and bitchslap these fockers, like when your playing backcourt tennis and backhand the ball crosscourt. Bam, out cold. But what can you do, pity is a vice for the needy.
These are also the kind of losers that spend hours on their phones fucking around with the same functions they've seen a thousand times, playing some lame dot matrix games, checking out dipshit annoying ringtones or text messaging other sorry ass homos about being such a huge bellend.
These guys are also pretty jaded about the fact that they are sad ass goons with no substance. You can repeatedly tell them they are pubes but their frontal lobes are wired to their colon so everything that you tell them goes straight to their ass. They get fat off insults.
'Dude you know that you are a sad goon and we only hang out with you cause you have money and buy us pitchers and food?'
'Lol dude your always cracking jokes. Too funny man, when do you let up.'
'Haha shits n giggles. Cheap thrills n shit.'
Ring ring.
'Oh man, thats my phone,' checks his mob and its some dude that wants his copy of Hustler back. 'Dude I gotta take this, hold up.'
'Yooooo man, how you been? Long time no hear. Ya I still got it. But what're you up to? You busy? What're you wearing? Eat at breakfast, log in crapper etc?'
'Fuck asshole I just want my copy of hustler back so I can rock my cock for twenty minutes. Come and drop it off before I come there and kick you in jewels.'
'No worries man. I will definately drop by later so we can chill and catch up. It has been a long time hasn't it? Ya man, too long. I will be by soon, I'm really really busy right now cause I'm pretending to be kool but I am a sad anus with no friends.'
'Whatever slut just get the fucking shit back to me asap.'
'You got it bro, I will pop by asap. We will chill, light up some wacky tabackies and kick back. Ai'ites ez, peace, wurd'
Meanwhile the guy had hung up long ago, and the poor bastard is left talking to a dialtone.
Now I know its mean to ostracize these bitches but it is neccessary. They usually have learning disorders and hardcore self esteem issues of daddy not bottle feeding them at the age of 10, so they latch on to wicked kool dudes that treat them like ballcheese so they can feel worthless again and burn themselves at night while listening to old Radiohead cds. Poor guys, but need to be uppercutted until they either become kool or piss off. Post your comments, are you a sad pube or a kick ass stud?

ps: Undoubtedly people are going to think that I am also indeed a whore for attention by spending time on building this bad ass website and wanting people to look at it and tell me that I am a sic ass pimp. The difference is that I am putting something out there that requires a tad bit of creativity and a hell of a lot of sex appeal and these dudes just trapse around all day and don't do much. Theres a lot of criticism that articles like these (or any of the articles on my page) can generate but the key is to have a big wank and make use of those anal beads you got for xmas before/while you read them so you don't get too worked up and start pointing out inconsistencies and/or analysing my bad ass styles.

Harro! Please. Come in. You look fab - o -lus! So hot right now. Have a fiddle around. Relieve your troubled self. Just check out the title of the page? Where've you seen that before? Hmmmm? Slouch right into that chair. Scratch what needs scratching. Smell what needs smelling. Enjoy the show!

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Location: Browntown

I rule all day everyday. I rule 100% 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. However, every four years, during a leap year I take one day off to rule 99%. If you want to challenge my ruling capacities, that is the only day to duel me to rule. Otherwise, I go back to regular ruling. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop ruling. I could rule everything in two words or less. If you'd like to see me in action, I will rule... all over your face.

This how I do

This who I roll wid