Armitage Shanks
Wednesday
In God I Trust-
God appeared before me in a dream last night. He was totally ginormous. He was also wicked bright, like a gazillion h-bombs about to go off. Luckily I had my slick Arnett shades. He asked if I was hungry and I was. He said he’d take me to Mcdonalds. The hot Spanish lady behind the counter gave me the tastiest happy meal ever. God chilled with the Mctoy. It was Dash from the Incredibles.
Kabooke Quantum Fighter: OMG! That was the best happy meal EVER! OMG! You are right here! OH MY GAWD! I think I'm going to explode.
God: Relax yourself my son. All is good in the universe. I have appeared before you to put your mind at ease. Ask of me what you will.
KQF: Oh wowowow! Ok, first and MOST importantly, don’t you think Kabooke Quantum Fighter is THE GREATEST BAND NAME EVER!
God: Yes, it is a stellar name. But unfortunately it has already been used by a game for the Sega Genesis in 1991.
KQF: I know but can you pleaaseeee take care of the copyright laws for us? We’ll send half our profits from our first record to Greenpeace, even though I don’t like hippies.
God: Don’t worry my son, things will come together. Hippies were Vishnu’s idea. I’m not too fond of them either.
KQF: Excellent! (God and I do a high five). So have you heard our tuneskees? What am I saying, your God. Offcourse you have.
God: Yes and I am quite impressed. You have the makings of an excellent band.
KQF: I knew it. So it is safe to say we rule everything and everyone wants to be like us?
God: Yes. Yes it is.
KQF: Amazing! Uhm, also God, I reaaaally hate fruit flies and mosquitos. Can you kill them all right now?
God: Done.
KQF: Sweeeeeeet! Being God must rule so hard!
God: Yes it is great.
KQF: So what about all the stuff that’s going on in the world, all the natural disasters, famine, war, Bush being re-elected? Is the apocalypse coming or something?
God: The apocalypse is not what you think it is. It is actually going to be the biggest party ever. I am going to resurrect all the bands from the first Woodstock. Metallica will headline the next day and Tupac the next.
KQF: No way!! What an epic plan! But the Bible, Quran and Torah talk about how we’re all going to fry in lava and maggots will eat our intestines and everyone in the world will continuously barf on each other.
God: Those books were meant for people hundreds of years ago. People were stupid and ignorant then. They used to think the Earth was flat. I didn’t like them. Humans today impress me and smell better. I’ll give them a party instead. I’m God. I make the rules.
KQF: Bitchin'! Is Hitler going to be there so we can all urinate on him?
God: He mentioned he wanted to spin old reggae records. He’s really into it. He’s actually a pretty good Disc Jockey.
KQF: No way! Hitler is in heaven? How come?
God: I punished Hitler in hell like he never would’ve imagined. I let him in after awhile, he really wanted to bake me a cupcake. Bezelbub said they were very tasty. Alas he was right, they were quite tasty. Most everyone after they year 1066 is in heaven. The sinners go to hell for a while and then I let them through the gates.
KQF: That a greeeat policy. You really are A GOD!
God: I know.
KQF: So do you have any words of advice or predictions for me?
God: My advice to you is to keep working hard and dressing sharp. You are a very handsome and funny man. Pleasure as many desperate, disease free women as possible.
KQF: I am so on the case.
God: My prediction is that your band will become the most famous band in history. Then you will separate from them, learn the art of preying mantis kung fu and become the leader of the world. You will rule everything and everyone will love you.
KQF: OMG I knew it! I am all over learning kung fu!
God: Yes. You are my greatest creation, alongside Einstein and Jaffa Cakes.
KQF: I love Einstein and Jaffa Cakes too! We have so much in common!
God: Great things get along. I must leave now my child, I have to appear in an oil stain in Honduras.
KQF: Thanks God, you are the greatest.
God: No worries. Remember, you rule.
And that was my dream, really. God is so kool I want crap myself. If anyone needs any Godly advice aks me as I know whats up. ¶ 3:11 AM 7 people want to grab my ass
God appeared before me in a dream last night. He was totally ginormous. He was also wicked bright, like a gazillion h-bombs about to go off. Luckily I had my slick Arnett shades. He asked if I was hungry and I was. He said he’d take me to Mcdonalds. The hot Spanish lady behind the counter gave me the tastiest happy meal ever. God chilled with the Mctoy. It was Dash from the Incredibles.
Kabooke Quantum Fighter: OMG! That was the best happy meal EVER! OMG! You are right here! OH MY GAWD! I think I'm going to explode.
God: Relax yourself my son. All is good in the universe. I have appeared before you to put your mind at ease. Ask of me what you will.
KQF: Oh wowowow! Ok, first and MOST importantly, don’t you think Kabooke Quantum Fighter is THE GREATEST BAND NAME EVER!
God: Yes, it is a stellar name. But unfortunately it has already been used by a game for the Sega Genesis in 1991.
KQF: I know but can you pleaaseeee take care of the copyright laws for us? We’ll send half our profits from our first record to Greenpeace, even though I don’t like hippies.
God: Don’t worry my son, things will come together. Hippies were Vishnu’s idea. I’m not too fond of them either.
KQF: Excellent! (God and I do a high five). So have you heard our tuneskees? What am I saying, your God. Offcourse you have.
God: Yes and I am quite impressed. You have the makings of an excellent band.
KQF: I knew it. So it is safe to say we rule everything and everyone wants to be like us?
God: Yes. Yes it is.
KQF: Amazing! Uhm, also God, I reaaaally hate fruit flies and mosquitos. Can you kill them all right now?
God: Done.
KQF: Sweeeeeeet! Being God must rule so hard!
God: Yes it is great.
KQF: So what about all the stuff that’s going on in the world, all the natural disasters, famine, war, Bush being re-elected? Is the apocalypse coming or something?
God: The apocalypse is not what you think it is. It is actually going to be the biggest party ever. I am going to resurrect all the bands from the first Woodstock. Metallica will headline the next day and Tupac the next.
KQF: No way!! What an epic plan! But the Bible, Quran and Torah talk about how we’re all going to fry in lava and maggots will eat our intestines and everyone in the world will continuously barf on each other.
God: Those books were meant for people hundreds of years ago. People were stupid and ignorant then. They used to think the Earth was flat. I didn’t like them. Humans today impress me and smell better. I’ll give them a party instead. I’m God. I make the rules.
KQF: Bitchin'! Is Hitler going to be there so we can all urinate on him?
God: He mentioned he wanted to spin old reggae records. He’s really into it. He’s actually a pretty good Disc Jockey.
KQF: No way! Hitler is in heaven? How come?
God: I punished Hitler in hell like he never would’ve imagined. I let him in after awhile, he really wanted to bake me a cupcake. Bezelbub said they were very tasty. Alas he was right, they were quite tasty. Most everyone after they year 1066 is in heaven. The sinners go to hell for a while and then I let them through the gates.
KQF: That a greeeat policy. You really are A GOD!
God: I know.
KQF: So do you have any words of advice or predictions for me?
God: My advice to you is to keep working hard and dressing sharp. You are a very handsome and funny man. Pleasure as many desperate, disease free women as possible.
KQF: I am so on the case.
God: My prediction is that your band will become the most famous band in history. Then you will separate from them, learn the art of preying mantis kung fu and become the leader of the world. You will rule everything and everyone will love you.
KQF: OMG I knew it! I am all over learning kung fu!
God: Yes. You are my greatest creation, alongside Einstein and Jaffa Cakes.
KQF: I love Einstein and Jaffa Cakes too! We have so much in common!
God: Great things get along. I must leave now my child, I have to appear in an oil stain in Honduras.
KQF: Thanks God, you are the greatest.
God: No worries. Remember, you rule.
And that was my dream, really. God is so kool I want crap myself. If anyone needs any Godly advice aks me as I know whats up. ¶ 3:11 AM 7 people want to grab my ass
