Armitage Shanks
Wednesday
  Fuck Amtrak!



Fuck Amtrak! That's right, the one and only signifying railroad that connects the mighty United States from left to right and up to down can eat shit! Why don't they have bullet trains?!? Upgrade motherfuckers! I got on a train from New York to Toronto and it took 16 hours! Do you know long 16 hours is?!? In 16 hours I could've broken my prick neighbours windsheild, eaten 38 doughnuts (with sprinklies), had an eduring gangbang, done a crossword puzzle, saved a small animal from a hyena and topped it off with some tasty jalapeno poppers. 16 fucking hours! No, they didn't say the ride was gonna be that long, they said it'd take around 9. So that's 9 times 2 minus 2...and if they're gonna make me do such hard maths they can fuck themselves even longer...and harder!
Right, I was pissed. And border control back into the States was a bitch too. I was all burnt out and not really coherent and the lady was all over me like a shit on velcrow; 'Where are you going, why, when are you leaving, whats your blood type, whats you dads name, does he drive a Buick, whats Elvis Costello's shoe size, who's the president of Burundy, why doesnt North Korea import more bananas.' All these inane bullshit questions, which I answered like a pro cause I roole. And then she kept her eye on me, like I was some kind of raving spastic. I might as well have put my boxers on my head and put my finger up my ass. Fingering your own ass is rather underated. For example, instead of having 1 minute silences for tragic events, everyone should collectively index their browneyes. This is a one minute silence you will never forget.
I saw Red Eye. What a turd. I looooove Rachel Mcadams though. She is sooo cute that it hurts. If anyone knows if she wants a sexy stud with a bohemoth wang lemme know, I'm on the case.
Oh, by the by, everyone that has a sense of humour must rent Eddie Izzard in New York. He is the best comedian since Engelbert Humperdink...trust me.
One more thing. What is traffic? I mean, how does it take place. No accident, nothing to look at, but people slow down and play the stop and go game. Why? Why does it happen? Ok, one answer is volume. But everyone that drives has been on a road where there isn't traffic filtering in from another exit for like 3 kilometers, there no accident, no roadblock or checkpoint but still everyone slows down and gas, break, honk, gas, honk, break, honk, honk, PUNCH, gas, break, fucking honk! What is more annoying? Seriously? I wish I had laser instead of headlights, I wish!
New York City fucking rocks by the way!

Send me calming comments and vibes, I think I'm having an aneurysm.
 
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Harro! Please. Come in. You look fab - o -lus! So hot right now. Have a fiddle around. Relieve your troubled self. Just check out the title of the page? Where've you seen that before? Hmmmm? Slouch right into that chair. Scratch what needs scratching. Smell what needs smelling. Enjoy the show!

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