It is the evilest, dirtiest and sexiest predator on the planet. It is none other than the awesome, the stupendous, the mahusively orgasmic: Great White Shark!
What a character. If I had one wish, it would be to be a Great White. No question.
I would hunt and chow down on the fattest person ever. I would chew through their cellulite like a fat kid eats jello. Mmmm, cellulite. But for reals, this fish has go to be the shit. It's a shame there are no mirrors in the ocean otherwise these dudes would always be like, 'dude, you rock.'
Since I was about 12 I have been scanning books, magazine articles and the internet for pictures of the biggest Great White ever caught on film. I have found one set of such pictures which I will share with you fools. Bask in the glory of this legendary beast.
This colossal demon was caught off the shores of Umhlanga, Durban, South Africa.
What a shame he is dead, really. It makes me sad that such a hot and ferocious animal isn't alive right now. The shark weighed in at about 1,160 kilograms, thats 1.16 tons of great white. Oh my god I am all over that shit. Huge animals rule! Especially the kind with ginormous teeth and attitude to match. Sharks are fast, the Mako is the fastest and can travel at 50 km/hr in the water. That is one fast torpedo.
The Great White can cruise to a speed of about half that, around 25-30 mph which is still pretty speedy. They never sleep (so literally, they never ever stop ruling!) The are usually solitary animals, although recent studies indicate that Great Whites do in fact work in packs when around seal colonies so as to keep the seals within a manageable radius around the island.
The animation above is footage of a predation off the coast of South Africa. Amazing!
My good friend and I have been planning a trip to South Africa for ages to jump in a cage and see one up close. I want to pull a tooth from the biggest stallion of a shark. That would rule. It's a whole package deal, go to Cape Town, get picked up, hotel, food, booze, the works. And then 6am the next morning up - coffee - shower - boat - cage - UNTZ!
The trip looks like it might come through around May - June, as long as we can get time off work and we budget accordingly. They migrate back to South Africa around May as it gets warmer so it should be keen. I am all over that shit like gravy on a chocolate biscuit. If there are any other shark junkies lets get it on. I am fully on board for starting the biggest shark fan club. Whos with me?!
Some pretty kool shark linkages-
Great White Shark
Biggest Great White