Attention whores-
I hate attention whores. They will suck up attention like a toothless crack ho chows down on a dirty jundhis prong. They usually have one friend, back in the old country and annoy other kool ass studs by calling them couple times a day and making bullshit small talk. A typical turd will call and say:
'wazaaaaa'
the other guy (assume its me, because I rule, hard) 'damnit bitch whaddya want?'
'nada guy, what're you sayin, what're you wearing, who're you with, what did you eat for breakfast, when was the last time you left a chocolate log in the crapper?'
'uhh im saying i'm busy and you suck balls.'
'oh lol, your so funny and hot, but dude where are you?'
'i'm at band practice with a couple of groupies that want me so bad.'
Now the dude feels left out and reflects on the fact that he has no life and he is kool meter is below zero.
'Reaaaaaally, hows that going? Which chicks man, do I know them?'
'Hell no bitch. Ok i gotta go, suck an egg.'
Completely ignoring what a lord he is he carries on with his inane questions 'so what else is new?'
'Get fucked.'
Click.
That is usually how to deal with attention whores. These people also make it very apparent when they get a call on their mobile. You might be out with them one night out of pity and they will get a call from their mom to pick up some tooth picks and they will increase their voice by a couple of decibels, stand atop a table and make it known that they are high ranking dorks.
'Heey, whats up? No nothing, just chilling with some good buddies. Ya ok, I will get on that. Ok me too, give me a ring later ok. EeeZee. Peace out. Live long and prosper, (add bullshit goodbye synonym)'
And thats their mom. What a turd. These are the times I want to grease the strong pimp hand and bitchslap these fockers, like when your playing backcourt tennis and backhand the ball crosscourt. Bam, out cold. But what can you do, pity is a vice for the needy.
These are also the kind of losers that spend hours on their phones fucking around with the same functions they've seen a thousand times, playing some lame dot matrix games, checking out dipshit annoying ringtones or text messaging other sorry ass homos about being such a huge bellend.
These guys are also pretty jaded about the fact that they are sad ass goons with no substance. You can repeatedly tell them they are pubes but their frontal lobes are wired to their colon so everything that you tell them goes straight to their ass. They get fat off insults.
'Dude you know that you are a sad goon and we only hang out with you cause you have money and buy us pitchers and food?'
'Lol dude your always cracking jokes. Too funny man, when do you let up.'
'Haha shits n giggles. Cheap thrills n shit.'
Ring ring.
'Oh man, thats my phone,' checks his mob and its some dude that wants his copy of Hustler back. 'Dude I gotta take this, hold up.'
'Whatever.'
'Yooooo man, how you been? Long time no hear. Ya I still got it. But what're you up to? You busy? What're you wearing? Eat at breakfast, log in crapper etc?'
'Fuck asshole I just want my copy of hustler back so I can rock my cock for twenty minutes. Come and drop it off before I come there and kick you in jewels.'
'No worries man. I will definately drop by later so we can chill and catch up. It has been a long time hasn't it? Ya man, too long. I will be by soon, I'm really really busy right now cause I'm pretending to be kool but I am a sad anus with no friends.'
'Whatever slut just get the fucking shit back to me asap.'
'You got it bro, I will pop by asap. We will chill, light up some wacky tabackies and kick back. Ai'ites ez, peace, wurd'
Meanwhile the guy had hung up long ago, and the poor bastard is left talking to a dialtone.
Now I know its mean to ostracize these bitches but it is neccessary. They usually have learning disorders and hardcore self esteem issues of daddy not bottle feeding them at the age of 10, so they latch on to wicked kool dudes that treat them like ballcheese so they can feel worthless again and burn themselves at night while listening to old Radiohead cds. Poor guys, but need to be uppercutted until they either become kool or piss off. Post your comments, are you a sad pube or a kick ass stud?

ps: Undoubtedly people are going to think that I am also indeed a whore for attention by spending time on building this bad ass website and wanting people to look at it and tell me that I am a sic ass pimp. The difference is that I am putting something out there that requires a tad bit of creativity and a hell of a lot of sex appeal and these dudes just trapse around all day and don't do much. Theres a lot of criticism that articles like these (or any of the articles on my page) can generate but the key is to have a big wank and make use of those anal beads you got for xmas before/while you read them so you don't get too worked up and start pointing out inconsistencies and/or analysing my bad ass styles.

  ¶ 6:15 AM